Well, that was a fucked up weekend...
Ok, well I haven't posted up a whiny emo blog in ages so here we go. I'll probably lose some of you with this but fuck it, I'm a sensitive car guy and if you don't like it you can eat a bag of dicks (*curtseys*)
My back has been kicking my ass lately so I took the weekend off from cars to relax and try and give my back a break from bending over engine bays. Friday was spent at the local dub GTG and I got to ask some questions to a fellow dubber who just got his MK3 back from schimmel with a fully built bottom end and a GT35 and air-water setup which was SICK and totally got me thinking...
Saturday we went to the junkyard looking for some pieces to clean up Rox's interior which was a bust as they moved the donor car we had there to some unforeseen corner of the lot so we went home empty handed.
Fast forward to the evening when kate and I met up with my mom and stepdad for dinner and then it all went to shit. A little back story here, I am renting my stepdads condo. It was a nice arrangement, I got to move out of my moms house and into his and he got to [edit]marry[/edit] my mom.
A month or so ago, they came over to the house on their way back from the airport or something and got to see my pad in the middle of a car build project. You know how it is, parts everywhere etc etc etc. I don't have the novelty of a garage or another room to store things in so each room has it's own car part in it at this point. Now mind you, my house has and will be spotless once again but for right now, I'm in car build mode.
Naturally, I told them that the house was a mess, I gave my apologies and I thought that was the end of it. I was sort of wrong.
Over dinner, it took about 20 minutes into the meal for my mom to look me in the eye and tell me it was time for a "come to jesus" talk. She said that she was appalled at the state of the house and that I should be ashamed at how I took my stepdads generosity for granted and disrespected his house by making such a mess. Then they started getting on about how I should really think about my future in terms of "becoming mature" and possibly giving up cars and generally just growing up and not be so wasteful with money on "cars".
And then she compared me to my father.
Kate started crying and I looked to her and asked if she wanted to take a walk, she nodded with tear-ridden eyes and we walked right out of the restaurant. We kept walking and 10 minutes later, we were walking back to my moms house to get my car and get the fuck out of Maryland. Kate was cold so I have her my shirt and we walked, in the dark, for close to two miles back to the house. For the first time in my life I felt so fucking rock and roll that I did that. I was so scared that she wouldn't want to take a walk and was so relieved when she said yes and we got up.
We took a short cut through this fucked up forest of pain that was filled with thorn bushes but it made us laugh so hard which was a major relief to me. There we were, trying to get through this forest in the fucking dark, getting stuck with thorns and running into tree branches that it just made us laugh uncontrollably.
We drove home and tried not to bitch about what just happened too much but it really started sinking in later that night once she was gone. I started drinking by myself and gave myself a pretty decent hangover the next day which sucked but whatevs I guess.
I shut my blog down that night. My mom mentioned to me in her tirade that she was so disappointed in seeing how I "spray painted car parts in my kitchen on my blog" and instead of defending myself and telling her that she was a fucking idiot for thinking I would be stupid enough to do so, I shut it down. Fuck them for making their own assumptions.
Anyhoo, here I am. Wondering if they are right. On one hand I should be an adult. I should own a house, I should be making babies and padding my 401k. On the other hand, I finally am good at something that I want to live and breath. I LOVE modding cars. I LOVE the culture it brings with it. I LOVE meeting new friends at shows and talking to people about cars and creating lasting relationships with them.
I know this is ghey and on the edge of cockyness but sometimes I think to myself that maybe the point I'm at is similar to when foose and von dutch where at this same time in their lives. I know I'm good at what I do but I want to be so much more and I want to create things that will blow people away. I don't want money, I just want the life experiences that creating cars will give me.
But what if that never happens? What if when I stray from graphic design to persue cars I end up in a place that isn't right for me or maybe I'll ruin the stability that I need to create for a wife and family down the road?
I'm scared right now because I don't really like where I'm at and I feel that I'm right at the crossroads of my life. And it's weird that I'm feeling this way because part of me wants to tell myself that I should be on the right direction by now. Hell, I thought I was 2 years ago and now I don't.
What kind of a parent tells their child to give up their passion?
My back has been kicking my ass lately so I took the weekend off from cars to relax and try and give my back a break from bending over engine bays. Friday was spent at the local dub GTG and I got to ask some questions to a fellow dubber who just got his MK3 back from schimmel with a fully built bottom end and a GT35 and air-water setup which was SICK and totally got me thinking...
Saturday we went to the junkyard looking for some pieces to clean up Rox's interior which was a bust as they moved the donor car we had there to some unforeseen corner of the lot so we went home empty handed.
Fast forward to the evening when kate and I met up with my mom and stepdad for dinner and then it all went to shit. A little back story here, I am renting my stepdads condo. It was a nice arrangement, I got to move out of my moms house and into his and he got to [edit]marry[/edit] my mom.
A month or so ago, they came over to the house on their way back from the airport or something and got to see my pad in the middle of a car build project. You know how it is, parts everywhere etc etc etc. I don't have the novelty of a garage or another room to store things in so each room has it's own car part in it at this point. Now mind you, my house has and will be spotless once again but for right now, I'm in car build mode.
Naturally, I told them that the house was a mess, I gave my apologies and I thought that was the end of it. I was sort of wrong.
Over dinner, it took about 20 minutes into the meal for my mom to look me in the eye and tell me it was time for a "come to jesus" talk. She said that she was appalled at the state of the house and that I should be ashamed at how I took my stepdads generosity for granted and disrespected his house by making such a mess. Then they started getting on about how I should really think about my future in terms of "becoming mature" and possibly giving up cars and generally just growing up and not be so wasteful with money on "cars".
And then she compared me to my father.
Kate started crying and I looked to her and asked if she wanted to take a walk, she nodded with tear-ridden eyes and we walked right out of the restaurant. We kept walking and 10 minutes later, we were walking back to my moms house to get my car and get the fuck out of Maryland. Kate was cold so I have her my shirt and we walked, in the dark, for close to two miles back to the house. For the first time in my life I felt so fucking rock and roll that I did that. I was so scared that she wouldn't want to take a walk and was so relieved when she said yes and we got up.
We took a short cut through this fucked up forest of pain that was filled with thorn bushes but it made us laugh so hard which was a major relief to me. There we were, trying to get through this forest in the fucking dark, getting stuck with thorns and running into tree branches that it just made us laugh uncontrollably.
We drove home and tried not to bitch about what just happened too much but it really started sinking in later that night once she was gone. I started drinking by myself and gave myself a pretty decent hangover the next day which sucked but whatevs I guess.
I shut my blog down that night. My mom mentioned to me in her tirade that she was so disappointed in seeing how I "spray painted car parts in my kitchen on my blog" and instead of defending myself and telling her that she was a fucking idiot for thinking I would be stupid enough to do so, I shut it down. Fuck them for making their own assumptions.
Anyhoo, here I am. Wondering if they are right. On one hand I should be an adult. I should own a house, I should be making babies and padding my 401k. On the other hand, I finally am good at something that I want to live and breath. I LOVE modding cars. I LOVE the culture it brings with it. I LOVE meeting new friends at shows and talking to people about cars and creating lasting relationships with them.
I know this is ghey and on the edge of cockyness but sometimes I think to myself that maybe the point I'm at is similar to when foose and von dutch where at this same time in their lives. I know I'm good at what I do but I want to be so much more and I want to create things that will blow people away. I don't want money, I just want the life experiences that creating cars will give me.
But what if that never happens? What if when I stray from graphic design to persue cars I end up in a place that isn't right for me or maybe I'll ruin the stability that I need to create for a wife and family down the road?
I'm scared right now because I don't really like where I'm at and I feel that I'm right at the crossroads of my life. And it's weird that I'm feeling this way because part of me wants to tell myself that I should be on the right direction by now. Hell, I thought I was 2 years ago and now I don't.
What kind of a parent tells their child to give up their passion?
This entry was posted by JKREW, on
Monday, April 30, 2007.
You can leave your response.
April 30, 2007 12:13 PM
i feel ya man. I've been working with computers since i was in 9th grade. I know have a full time job with a realy nice futur in computers/networking. I enjoy it yes but nuthing like I enjoy the passion of working on/thinking about/talkin about VW's. For you it may be all cars but my true passion is in VW's. I love all cars dont get me wrong but nuthing makes me fuzzy inside like a VW. I'm stuck at a point now where I dont know what to do. I like computers but really dont want to stick with it for the remainder of my life, even though it'll provide me with a fat check and a good future for a family(whenever i get around to that). My mom supports me either way so I def feel bad about your mom situation. If she doesnt support her own natural born sons decisions then that just lame. Sometimes they can be a little wack but you still gotta back your child up on it. If they are smart the will either succeed or realize that its not the greatest idea. Your def good at what you do, wether it be with cars or graphic design. If i was you i would try to continue with graphics but more and more work the car passion into your life. Get a part time job at a shop and see how you like it.
I'm about to start summer courses at a local college part time just to try a few majors out and see if i find anything that i will really love doing in my future.
You know your mom loves you no matter wat, but dont revolve your life around makin her happy, enjoy yourself, and kate :P. Stay strong buddy and get the blog back up ASAP!
April 30, 2007 12:46 PM
It is obvious that U R an only child. When U R finished w/ your pity party let me know. Who said I didn't support your passion? I said that you turned Bill's condo into a garage. I said that you no longer lived in a home, rather a trailer park full of tires, car parts and junk.
What part of that is untrue? By the way...this is how your place has looked for months and months in one way or another. Not just for a week or two. You got rid of his furnature and started pilling up hundreds of movie videos, tools, computers, weights and car parts.
Your option was to rent a storage unit to store your (passion) stuff and still live like an adult with some degree of order. Then I'd support your PASSION a bit more.
If you don't see that you went over the top then you are kidding yourself. You don't even seem to care about solving your debt issue. How adult is all this?
Come on Jay. You may not like what I said but what part of it wasn't true? My job isn't to tell you what you want to hear, rather to tell you what you need to hear.
Do you think I'm having fun now Jay? Think again. Don't you dare claim that I don'r support you because we both know that you are full of it. When you have the money to pay for your passion...have at it. But you have other obligations that you are not dealing with.
So if you want to vent...vent. Just deal with all the facts. And Kate...don't enable Jay by supporting bad behavior. Jay is not 23, he's 30.
April 30, 2007 2:04 PM
Wow.
Jay. We Love you, Keep doing what you love.
and your mom has some issues.
April 30, 2007 2:26 PM
It is all up to YOU. I love cars and have a passion for them myself. I put that on hold for a few years. I am building a house, I am married to an awesome wife, and have an awesome son. Its all about choices. I made these choices. Now I can get back into my car passion with my son. It is up to you and only you. You only live once, live life the way YOU want too. Only you can decide if you want something. Mehr_Psi
April 30, 2007 4:55 PM
This post has been removed by the author.
April 30, 2007 5:00 PM
was your mom saying i was an only child??? hahahaha. I'm just the oldest. My mom had 2 kids and my parents got divorced when I was young. She just wants her son to be happy, and i am, so she supports me. You should do the same...
I'm only 20 so i agree i have a lot of growing up to do. If jay has debt then i agree he may want to take care of it. But sumtimes money doesnt matter if you really love your life.
I wish i was an only child :)
May 1, 2007 1:17 PM
wow.......
jason and kate, you have isnpired more people than you could even know. think back to the vortex posts of people applauding you guys and your relationship.....
theres nothing wrong with loving cars and creating debt to have them, or neglecting debt to have them. (trust me i know)
just keep doing what makes you happy, youd hate to be old, grumpy, and with a happy mom.
and jaysmom,
wow, way to support your son. maybe you and my mom should go out to lunch, she and you can have hours of dialouge and share wa-wa-wa stories. (at this point id really lay into ya but its just not appropriate to do one of my idols moms.)
chris
May 1, 2007 10:05 PM
dude. ur r a total lozer
May 1, 2007 11:40 PM
IM IN UR WEBSITE
KILLING YOUR MEMEZ
May 2, 2007 12:20 PM
sometimes we make choices that hurt others in the long run. ultimately, you have yourself and your choices. sure you have a relationship, and you have familial obligations but YOU make the choices. you can stay with the status quo, and do what "needs" to be done...or you can choose not to and follow your own destiny instead of the one others have for you. if you die tomorrow you will have regretted doing the "right" thing in the hopes of making someone else happy. if your happiness is cars, take your happiness somewhere it can be free and not under someone else's requirements. life is what you make it not how others tell you it should be.
May 5, 2007 2:17 PM
<Story time>
In 2001, I was hired into a graphic design/web development position at Cornell University. While I was there, I got heavily into Flash and Actionscript, and really got into the whole "multimedia developer" thing.
While I was working there (at 24 years of age), I made small steps to rid myself of debt, but I honestly never did the smart thing, which would be to just pay all debt off and start saving money (for retirement, and just to have normal savings). I tended to spend money on stuff I wanted, or hobbies like the car.
Three years later, the job started going sour, so I took all of my outside time and dumped myself into a huge car project (which you may be familiar with). It turned out to be one of the things I'm most proud of in my life, and the VW community continues to be a huge part of my life...but it also started cutting into my work time (vortex surfing, etc), and it eventually hurt my career.
When I was laid off from Cornell, I took several months off to travel the east coast, go to car shows, hang with friends, etc. At the same time, I fell into debt, derailed my web development career, and generally fucked up my life.
After a few years of floundering, I ended up moving to Baltimore, and worked at NGP for a while. In the two years I was there, I did like working with cars and people...but honestly, the money just isn't there, and the hours are horrible. It's not a life you'd want to lead, unless you're likely to start up your own shop and have it somehow become the premier go-to place for your coast. Because, failing that, you're not likely to enjoy your life.
The points I'm trying to make are these:
1) If you pursue your hobby as a career, you will kill the enjoyment in the hobby. I've seen others who've succumbed to it, and it's had its effect on me, too. Keep it a hobby.
2) There's got to be a way to follow your passion without letting it take over your life. Being the in the VW Vortex community, there's all this talk about going "balls deep" into a project. Well, as exciting as that is, it isn't always smart. The best thing to do is gain balance between work and play. Sounds like a silly thing, right? Something we (you and I) should have learned in elementary school. Pisses me off when someone tells me these things, but the truth is, they're right.
Lately, I've been really admiring vwV projects like Der T4's cabrio project. It's amazing because he's in no rush. Fuck the car shows, fuck the deadlines. Killer deals fall into your lap when you're in no rush. And the rest of your life gets dealt with when you're in no rush. I certainly can learn something from that. Anyway...
I quit my job at NGP last fall, and moved out to California with my girlfriend. Between then and now, I've done a metric shit-ton of studying-up on web trends and technologies. It's been an uphill battle, since I've been out of it for three years...might as well be a lifetime. But now, six months after moving, I've got a good job in web development, finally able to contribute money to an IRA, and looking forward to having more money in the bank.
The tough choices, now, come from the fact that I really, REALLY want a set of killer wheels for my car....but I don't need them. I really, REALLY want to finish the projects that I've started on my car...but only a few of them are actually legally necessary. And I really, REALLY just want to tinker...but I also would like time with my girlfriend.
You've got it good with Kate. The dynamic you two have is awesome, and you're able to share things like the car project....it's not something that gets in the way (usually), it's something that brings you together.
In the spirit of full disclosure, I think your mom's not wrong. I say "I think" because clearly my opinion really shouldn't count for much...I don't know the whole of both sides of the story. But I'm about your age, and I know I would be doing the same thing to my apartment as you are doing...if I didn't have a girlfriend living here who has me whipped. And if I did, and if my mom were still alive, she would give me hell for it too!
Truth be told, if all the nagging I get these days were coming from my mother, I'd appreciate it (and heed it) a lot more.
And as my closing thought, I'd just like to say I wish I still lived in Baltimore...I think you and I would get along like fucking gangbusters.
</Story time>